a toll

20/04/2018

This has not been a year of easing into aging. With retirement ahead, the days and months have elicited unrelenting attention to events filled with details that hold little meaning any longer. If one is in the constant state of readjusting one’s natural rhythms to the artificial, a toll is taken on body and spirit. Both of mine are bearing this toll. Through illness. Through a sense of fragmentation – the stress that builds from constant interruptions.

I long to do nothing. To be no one. To just exist and absorb the beauty of the world I find in my own small one. The plethora of birdsongs. The sun, on a cool windy day, seeping into my bones. The comforting weight of a warm blanket caressing my body as I lie still and silent. No obligations. No required responses. No pleasantries.

For a time, albeit, a small one in the longevity of my brief life on earth, I need this to ease into aging.

For now, I need to survive until that time in the oh so far, near future.


In my youth, I was at ease.

calligrapher 002

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One Response to “a toll”

  1. Sally Rieger Says:

    Isn’t it odd how sometimes life seems to move along much too fast, but at others it feels as if the minute hand is stuck interminably in one place? Graduating seniors (and soon to be retirees) think they’ll never get out of school, but a child who had longed for an ice cream cone can’t believe it’s already gone. This proves indisputably that time can’t be measured by a clock.

    Liked by 1 person


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